I didn't write this...i wouldn't write this...but I could

I miss you.I miss everything we were supposed to have been.I miss your consuming, jealous, indifferent, distant and inconvenient love. I miss the person you used to be with me, I miss your silly jokes and your special way of caring.I miss your attempts of nasty talks with me, I miss the ways you had of showing me how much I meant to you.I miss meaning something to you.I miss being myself, because without you I don´t make any sense.I hate this silence inside, this void that brings me to tears every day. I hate this loneliness, the feeling of living my life without you. I hate this numbness, I hate this feeling in my stomach that tells me you´re not coming back…that you were never really here. I hate having believed in you, I hate that I bought all of your lies. I hate that I can´t even listen to the same songs I did when we were together. I hate it that I fell so deeply for you and you caught me just to let me know how it would be like when you let me go.It hurts every single detail that reminds me of your existence.It hurts having to say goodbye to the one thing I wasn´t willing to give up on, the one thing that I tried to hold on to . It hurts to search for the reasons but not be able to find them. It hurts knowing you had moved on before you ended it. It hurt when you gave me a list of reasons when I asked for explications. It hurts that you´re still all that I want.It hurts having to forget the past three years. It hurts losing more than a love, but a friend.It´s like I´m reaching out and you´re not there, it´s like a constant battle I know I´ll never overcome, it´s like feeling stupid for being so sensitive when I wanna be tough and indifferent. I want it back and I want it to be over once and for all. I want you but you don´t want me. I want to find real love but I only want it from you. I want you to realize what you´re missing and I wanna make you fight for me. I wanna believe everything I just listed is remotely possible.